Today’s post came to me as I was listening to today’s National Coach Call featuring Lindsay Matway. Every time I listen to this woman speak, I cry. For those who don’t know, the National Coach Call is a weekly call that features fellow Beachbody coaches (and sometimes celebrity trainers) sharing tips, inspiration and motivational tid-bits to kick off the new week. I don’t listen every week but I never miss Lindsay’s calls. I’ve learned after listening to her speak several times that she speaks straight from the heart and I always get at least one (if not several) of those A-HA moments Oprah always talks about.
The topic of her call: Fighting Fear, Dispelling Doubt.
She was basically talking about how the only way to get rid of a gremlin is to shine light on it. Fear doesn’t go away, we just have to figure out how to face it. The most successful people on earth are scared but they push through anyway for fear of what’ll happen if they don’t.
This weekend was a bit of a rough one for me emotionally. I was so upset last night that I finally exploded and a tiny blood vessel burst on my upper eyelid from crying so hard. We were watching our usual Sons of Anarchy on Friday night and in the last episode we watched (I believe it was episode one of season six) there were 3 or 4 references to rape and sexual abuse – including two scenes. Well that is the holy mother of triggers for me and while over time I’ve been able to get through scenes like this it definitely has a somewhat short-lived effect on me and brings old feelings to the surface. I went to bed upset because I felt angry that I personally resonated with those situations. I kept telling myself that this stuff happens in real life (though it shouldn’t) and I just couldn’t stop feeling angry.
I went from strong to broken in about 3 seconds flat.
Some might say, well just stop watching the show. To them I say, that isn’t my point.
Side note: Sons of Anarchy is about a motorcycle club and there is quite a bit of violence. It mostly consists of gang-related violence but Gemma (a main character) was gang-raped in episode one of season two (which we skipped because I did some research before watching the show and knew about it) and then there wasn’t really much on the subject until we got into this latest episode. I’m at a crossroads of whether or not I’ll continue watching the show and that makes me angry. It makes me angry that things that have happened in the past that dictate what I’m able to watch. (I do realize rape scenes and related things are difficult for anybody to watch! Since it isn’t the main focus of the show whatsoever, I’d like to be able to continue to view the rest of the series.
Anyway…the rest of the weekend was mostly okay but there were some other unrelated issues that popped up and made me frustrated. I think my emotional state stemming from Friday night contributed to those stressors and I exploded into a river of tears last night.
Back to today’s call…
While I was listening to today’s call, what started popping into my head was, “How do I get back to myself?” Whatever it is that Lindsay was talking about made me realize that I needed to figure out how to work through this and just get back to being me. How do I get back to how I felt before getting so upset? Things that upset us are always going to happen. It’s what we do afterwards that can make or break us.
I already knew what I needed to do, but listening to Lindsay’s words reminded me to do so and gave me the little kick in the pants that I needed.
Whenever you’re feeling overwhelmed or upset, I think it’s important to cry it out if you need to. It’s okay to take a moment and feel it out. I also think it’s important to not let it keep you down. The longer you stay down, the worse it feels.
You can either crawl deeper under the covers to hide from the gremlin or you can shine a light on it. You can face the fear head on and work through it or let it continue to grow bigger and bigger.
Here’s what I do to get back to myself:
- Cry as needed (this usually happens first and makes me realize what steps I need to take next)
- Pray (mostly for others but for guidance and clarity too)
- Read personal development (Lindsay said she read/listened to personal development for several hours over the course of a week to prepare her for the phone call because she was so nervous. She knew personal development would help to get her head in the right place and give her courage to say what she wanted to say.)
- Fuel my body right
- Write and/or blog about it (to externalize the pain)
I know this a different kind of motivation for a Monday but I hope it resonates with the people that need to hear it today.
Thank you so much for reading. I hope you’re having a great start to the week. :)